I Saw A Young Man In The Gym Today And Wanted To Cry!

It was a regular gym day for me. I was running through my routine, the same motions I do every time I go. I set up my little station in the corner and got the equipment that I needed. In between my sets I chatted with the regulars, all of us complaining about the new gym "set up" and questioning why they didn't ask our opinion before they moved everything around ;) 

Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw them.  Three young adult men. I have a 19 year old so I'm guessing they couldn't have been much older than that. Two of the young men looked like they had been in the gym before.  They knew their way around the weights and talked in reps and plates.

 The third young man looked like a fish out of water.

It was pretty clear that it was his first time, or close to it. He wore cargo pants and skate shoes. He was overweight and I could tell he was feeling extremely self-conscious about being there. His buddies were in shorts and tank tops; perfect muscle flexing attire. The "pros" were leading the charge so to speak and it was obvious that our little fish was just going to follow their lead. 

The two men joked and flexed in the mirror, but the third young man self-consciously pulled at his shirt to try and cover his stomach, while looking around nervously to see if anyone was looking at him.  I wanted to cry. I could feel his insecurity and as a mom I just wanted to go up and hug him and tell him that he was amazingly brave for even being there. As a trainer I wanted to roll out my arsenal of sure fire ways to "lose weight and get jacked". I wanted to tell him to meet me there everyday and that I would train him until he was twice as big as the other two. 

After 5 minutes of flexing, it was go time.  The two young men picked up their dumbbells and started shoulder presses. The third one grabbed a set of 40's and right away I knew that it was too heavy for him. I wanted to go say something, but as my own 19 year old son has taught me, its less embarrassing for a guy to drop a weight than it is to have a 45 year old woman come up and tell him "that's a bit too heavy for you sweetie".  

I refrained.

It continued with some lateral raises where he predominately used his neck muscles to lift the weight and some front raises where he completed 2 out of the 12 reps. 

One of the reasons it broke my heart to see him was because it reminded me of my son, Stratton. He was never overweight rather just the opposite.  He was small.  We moved to Kelowna the year he entered grade 8. He went to OKM that first day, not knowing a soul and looking like he was going into grade 6. I felt so bad for him, and cried after dropping him off. But he was brave. He even joined the OKM Football Team. He was literally the smallest player on the team. He lasted two years, until it became painfully obvious that his growth spurt that we were promising wasn't coming anytime soon. He was very discouraged. He felt little, invisible, embarrassed.

We always told our kids that they needed to do something active and so if it wasn't football, he had to find something else. OKM had a Weight Training Class and so he signed up. I asked him the other day when it was that he started to feel "brave" in the gym. He told me that that class was when things started to turn around. He started to grow a little and by just committing to training on a regular basis, he began to see some small changes. Summer came and he joined a public gym. He said he felt intimidated the first few times, but just stuck with it anyway because his body was changing. 

Looking back to when he was in grade 8, he had no idea that it was possible to change his body as much as he has. Back then I couldn't have convinced him that one day he would be totally jacked and shredded. However, he made a decision to change and worked at it with a deep commitment that his dad and I are very proud of. The funny thing is, both my husband and now my son get told that they are lucky to have such good genetics! No, genetically, they are slight, smaller men. My husband weighed 140 pounds when we got married. They have both changed their shape dramatically because they have worked REALLY hard at it. Below is a picture of Stratton yesterday.

All that to say, I hope that young fish in the gym believes that change is possible. I hope he fights every insecurity that rises up inside of him. I hope he starts but doesn't stop. I hope he loves himself enough to treat himself with compassion even when he doesn't change as quickly as he wants. I hope Stratton can run in to this young man at the gym one day and be an inspiration. And, I hope I see him again so I can cheer him on, even if its just from inside my own head :)

Stratton today -Dec 10, 2015