Last night my fitness partner in crime, Leslie, and I participated in our first ever professional photo shoot with local photographer Darren Hull. It was SO MUCH FUN! Lights, fans, cameras, hip hopping music and a little wine to loosen us up ;). It felt like we were stars, if only for four hours.
. Going into this shoot though, I certainly didn't "feel" like a star. I felt completely ill-prepared in terms of getting my body to where I wanted it to be for a fitness shoot. It was curious to me, because the moment we booked the shoot date 1 1/2 months ago, I felt as though I sort of sabotaged my own efforts. My workouts were on track and felt great, but my eating, well...not so much! As a trainer I know as well as anyone, that "abs are made in the kitchen", and that you can't "out-train" a bad diet, and yet the moment that I put pressure on myself to lose a few pounds, was the moment that I gained a few! I became aware of my own internal dialogue, that when reaching for a cookie would say "I can have this and you can't stop me!" Who was I talking to?? Of course I can have a cookie if I want, but I felt as though there were two people fighting inside of me. The girl who wanted to look fabulous in short shorts, and the girl who felt entitled and deserving of whatever treat she wanted!
It was an interesting place to be for sure, but the night of the shoot, when I tried on the short shorts and realised that they didn't quite look the way I had envisioned they would 1 1/2 months ago, I had a choice to go one of two ways with that in my brain. The first way is down a path that is all too familiar with most of us: self-contempt. Hating myself for not achieving my expectations, thinking I was a failure, calling myself names, being jealous of my leaner friend (who looked amazing by the way!). I've been down that path before. It feels bad and does no one any good, especially not me! The second way is far more healing and beautiful: acceptance.
I talked with Leslie about this last night, and felt like that was a far healthier place for me to land. I accepted the fact that I exercise hard and consistently, that I have a relatively clean diet, that I am mindful of my wellness, AND that I wasn't exactly where I wanted to be in terms of body composition. So what? Big deal! For me, the lifestyle that I lead today is sustainable for me. Sure there may be seasons that I am more lean or less lean, but at the end of the day, accepting where you are at today and accepting the moment is KEY.
I realise that if you are reading this and you look at my picture you may think that I have no right to say any of this because I am not over weight. However, struggles are struggles. I talked with a friend at the gym the other day who looks amazing, and yet he feels utterly hopeless in his struggle with food. You would never know that he struggles with food based on what you see in terms of his body, but he does, and I do at times too. Our best bet is to have compassion for ourselves during these times. I am not saying that our acceptance means that we give up and never try to change our bodies and move toward health. I am an advocate of health and wellness and fitness!! What I am saying is that we are often too hard on ourselves, and that having compassion for where you're at today, is a good place to start.
